Such Things That Never Was

There’s been a lot of discussion lately about a new blog that, gasp, talks about unreleased games, and I’d feel pretty stupid not making a post about it!

Such Things That Never Was is set to detail all sorts of silly things that never made it through production, including movies and, in a very successful effort to steal the thunder away from my lazy ass, games. Its author, the mysterious Surfer Girl, seems to have some connection to the games industry that is more on the developer side than mine, as she’s dug up info on tons of recent projects that never got as far as even being announced.

The post most often discussed is “18 canceled games you never knew existed unless you worked on them,” which is just what it sounds like. And given that I didn’t work on any of these games, all of them were news to me, including an updated Joust (complete with screenshots!), Freelancer 2, an Alone in the Dark sequel by Computer Artworks (developer of the also-dead A Sound of Thunder game), a spooky action platformer by True Crime developer Luxoflux called Ghost World (unrelated to the comic book, I’m assuming), an Oni sequel by Angel Studios (now Rockstar San Diego), and tons more.

And hey, don’t miss her other, somewhat more random blog, Surfer Girl Reviews Star Wars, which has lots of interesting secret tidbits from around the games industry. I don’t know if any of these claims are true, but here are a few highlights that interest me personally: three new Wario games are in development, the Mario/Dragon Quest hybrid board game Itadaki Street DS is getting a release stateside, Ubisoft is working on sequels to both Beyond Good & Evil and Red Steel, Retro Studios is working on a new game that is not Metroid and not an FPS, a Chu Chu Rocket sequel is in development, and these apparently early screenshots of Prince of Persia 4 look a hell of a lot like Ico.

I have no idea who Surfer Girl is, and she wants it to remain that way (as expressed in our email conversations), but like my old boss Simon Carless, I do have a guess, and I’m sure it’s wrong. Assuming she’s not outright lying, here is what we know about Surfer Girl, mostly taken from her interview on Kotaku Australia (there’s a Kotaku Australia???):

-Is a girl
-Occasionally surfs
-Was a journalism major
-Is an industry “insider,” emphasis hers
-Has been playing games for “15-20 years”
-Is a fan of Lost Levels, but hates how infrequently I update (this one’s for you!)

Well, I’m a fan. Hats off to you, Surfer Girl, whoever you are. You had the balls to take one of my fantasies and make it real, and I’m a bit jealous because of it.

Hard Drivin’ for the NES: First Screenshots!

While browsing through the Mean Machines Archive today, I stumbled on something pretty unexpected: the first screenshots I’ve ever seen of Hard Drivin’ for the NES, Tengen’s unreleased port of Atari’s driving simulator-turned-arcade racing game!

Hard Drivin’ was an extremely popular arcade title for Atari in 1989, featuring what was then considered realistic driving physics, the first use of 3D polygons in an arcade racing game, and my favorite feature: an actual key you had to turn to start the ignition!

These scans come from Mean Machines #0, a promotional test market predecessor to the short-lived UK console mag. Mean Machines would eventually (more or less) become Nintendo Magazine System, the UK’s official Nintendo mag. Later, the magazine would change its name to Nintendo Official Magazine. Much later still, that magazine would hire me to do game reviews. And very shortly thereafter, that magazine would lose its official Nintendo licensure, its entire staff would get fired, and competing publisher Future would pick up the official Nintendo magazine title. So basically, these images that you’re seeing are from the very first issue of a magazine that I would one day kill.

Shouldn’t have given me that six-page Pokemon cover feature, Dean.

According to the preview, the NES port was being programmed by Mark Morris who, despite this MobyGames entry, I’m convinced is not the same Mark Morris who co-founded Introversion Software and directed Darwinia and Defcon. In fact, I’m also not convinced that he’s the same man as the THQ director currently claiming the majority of that same entry, given that this San Diego Union-Tribune interview accredits that Mark Morris’ first game as 1996’s Men in Black. It would seem that this MobyGames entry actually combines the credits for three different Mark Morrises. Yikes!

The game looked pretty faithful to the arcade original, as you can see in these comparison shots:

According to the magazine’s preview, the game was running smoothly. “Many thought that the original arcade machine’s filled-3D graphics which are used to portray the first person perspective action would be virtually impossible to convert to the Nintendo,” said the short preview blurb, “but programmer Mark Morris has surprised the cynics and come up with a system that runs them smoothly at a very high speed - a first on the Nintendo!”

It seems pretty obvious from the shots that nothing beyond a rudimentary track was implemented; notice that there are no other vehicles, signs, or even scenery! Still, though, this looks like it could have been a pretty impressive technical feat on the NES. Mark Morris, are you out there? Have any insight for us?

Check out a complete *.pdf of Mean Machines #0 here! It also features a rare screenshot of The Legend of Hero Tonma for the NES, another unreleased game.

Good Luck Charlie Brown Footage!

Matt Kain, the gentleman who found a copy of Good Luck Charlie Brown for the Atari 2600 at a flea market which, ten years later, remains the only known copy, has uploaded footage of the game to YouTube. This is the first time Atari’s lost children’s game has ever been seen by the public.

Neat, huh? Obviously, the game is in a very early, unfinished state, lacking sound and additional screens (early previews suggested a second screen involving lawn mowing!), but it’s becoming increasingly likely that this is the only copy of the game to survive, so this is all we’re going to get.

Kain plans to sell the game sometime relatively soon. Interested parties should follow this AtariAge forums thread for details.

Spotlight: Star Trek V

Today on Lost Levels, we examine Star Trek V, a cheesy NES platformer based on a cheesy sci fi movie that did not resemble a cheesy NES platformer at all and probably shouldn’t have been one. And, well, I guess it wasn’t, which is why we’re talking about it.

I’ve never actually seen Star Trek V, but our guest reviewer, DOCTOR ZERO, is a big fatty who has watched it thirty seven times and has an original script signed by the cast. He says that the plot is about finding God, and I’m forced to believe him.

If the game is to believed, God is a horrible looking face on the side of the mountain that William Shatner murders. Maybe I ought to see this movie after all.

Check it out here. And hey, don’t forget our happenin’ forums are open for posting.

On Butt Rock and Butt Rape

Hi boys and girls! Your old pal Lost Levels has two articles to announce for your sensual reading pleasure. Neither of these are about old Nintendo games, nor is Jaleco involved in any way, which might confuse some of our veteran readers. I’m terribly, terribly sorry.

The first, which I actually published a couple months ago and didn’t bother mentioning, is a retrospective on the Thunder Force series of shooters, with an emphasis on the unreleased Thunder Force VI for the Sega Dreamcast. Thunder Force is notable for being “that series with the butt rock music,” and is beloved by people who consider both butts and rock and roll as things that make the world go ’round.

The second, which I wrote myself, is a thorough, groundbreaking review of Colors, an unreleased game for the barely-released Gizmondo handheld console. Colors would have depicted the first instance of male-on-male prison sex in videogames, truly a landmark in videogame history. Thank god Lost Levels is here to show you this segment in all its pixelated glory.

The next update will be about a crappy Nintendo game, I promise you. Stay tuned!

Amazing Grace

What once was lost, now is… being released. Originally sent to limbo by the the bankruptcy of publisher Acclaim, The Red Star is finally scheduled for release. According to consumer video game site Gamespot, the rights for the game have been picked up by XS Games, and a PS2 release is planned for early August. Release of the Xbox version will apparently be decided based on the success of the PS2 version. That said, don’t expect an Xbox version.

Originally a graphic novel, The Red Star is one of the titles that were thought lost when their publisher, Acclaim, collapsed under the weight of nearly 20 years of bad games. Another Acclaim title, Juiced, was picked up by THQ, and released to lackluster reviews.

Spotlight: Pescatore

Our latest awesome and badical Lost Levels Feature Presentation spotlights Pescatore for the Famicom, a lost puzzler from the days when Sunsoft made really great games. Except Pescatore isn’t a really great game. In fact, it’s kind of crap. It’s like Dr. Robotnick’s Mean Bean Machine (aka Akuma no Densetsu Durakura PuyoPuyo Bushido Gaiden) except that instead of featuring monkey robots and fat guys, it has random crashes.

But don’t take my word for it, I have “attachment issues.” Whatever that means. Instead, check out the full feature by our newest contributor, Mike Thompson, by following the convenient http hyperlink I’m about to provide. It’s coming. Wait for it.

Keep waiting.

Almost here.

LINKTASTIC